The Human Centipede (2009)

The Human Centipede

Directed by: Tom Six

Starring: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams & Ashlynn Yennie

Released: 2009

Country of Origin: Netherlands

Runtime: 92 min.

This is how this should have started: "This is the one of the sickest things I have ever seen. Words just don't do justice to how screwed up and disturbing this film is." Instead, I am left with a mere shrug. Eh. For a film with such a messed up and potentially disturbing premise, you would expect a little more on the vomit factor. Don't get me wrong, for many people watching The Human Centipede is going cause a lot of mental distress. However, for someone who sat through all of Pasolini's Salò and may have actually appreciated it, this is a glorious walk in the park.

The Human Centipede tells the tale of an extremely cranky and anti-social mad surgeon named Dr. Heiter, who specializes in the separation of conjoined twins. As all emotionally unbalanced scientists do in the movies, he has turned and now uses his genius for evil. Instead of separating people, he is now obsessed with stitching living things up together to create one giant living organism. At the start of the film we see him mourning his beloved pet, the creatively named three-dog. Feeling such a great loss at the death of his pet, he sets out to replace it with a new pet made of people. Along come two extremely dumb American tourists who have just had their car conveniently break down in the middle of the woods. Of course, they end up at the good doctors house where they are drugged and wake up to find themselves prime candidates to be part of Dr. Heiter's new pet. They along with a very angry Japanese man they are soon to be joined to create the reason for the film's title. Instead of explaining how this works, here is a very fine diagram:

When approaching a film like this, you don't expect anything on a high artistic level. Most, like myself, will watch it for mere morbid curiosity or to see if this film might be the one that crosses a line for you and proves that there is still hope for your desensitized soul. Nope, not the case. For a film about people who have their mouth sewn to someones anus, it was surprisingly tame. Most of the gore and really gross parts are not seen and left for the imagination. Let's be honest, if you plan to watch something like this it's because of the the gore. Not the acting nor the engaging plot line, cause you know that both aspects will fall short. I'm going to be a little obvious and redundant here, but the acting is awful. Porn stars could have done better and have (see: Sasha Grey in The Girlfriend Experience). The only actor worth watching is Dieter Laser who plays Dr. Heiter. Its really the only redeeming factor in the movie. He owns the role and plays it with dedication and a seriousness that is completely unnecessary for a movie called The Human Centipede. He comes across like a mix of the tall man from Phantasm and Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl and at times he manages to cross the line from impressive to kinda awesome. His performance may be like pouring maple syrup on fecal matter but it was a welcome distraction from everyone else in the film. The two girls in the film are so awful that you're a little grateful they make up the tail end of the centipede, thus reducing their acting to muffled cries of pain. Many parts of the film, especially the ones you feel are supposed to be the tense and disturbing ones, end up being kinda funny. However, that can be seen as a testament on just how warped my brain has become, but when the final tragic frame is revealed I had a real hard time not chuckling to myself.

FINAL VERDICT: If you're like me, nothing I say will draw you away from seeing a movie with such a silly and ridiculous premise. Its a curiosity thing, because sometimes a movie will be so far over the edge it hits a special happy nerve in your brain that responds to this junk and you will love it for what it is. It didn't do it for me but it might for you. For the rest of you however, don't bother its completely not worth your time.